I don’t know who needs to hear this, but the moon is not your emotional support celestial body.
Every few weeks, like clockwork (and I use that term loosely because nothing actually works during retrograde), the internet explodes with phrases like “Mercury’s in retrograde,” and suddenly everyone’s blaming the moon for everything from missed emails to existential dread.
And listen—I’m not saying they’re wrong.
Cool Cool Cool.
Mercury’s reversing like it just spotted its ex in Whole Foods.
Your phone’s glitching, your emails are feral, and your Wi-Fi has entered witness protection.
Yes, friend: Mercury is in retrograde again—and if you’ve been blaming planetary motion for your general chaos? You’re not wrong.
This post is your snark-meets-sanity survival guide—designed for everyone who wants to stay grounded while the cosmos act unhinged.
💫 What Is Retrograde (and Why Does It Want Me Dead)?
“Retrograde” just means a planet appears to be moving backward. It’s not. But Earth’s orbit makes it look that way—and astrologically, that backward motion = everything going haywire in that planet’s domain.
Mercury rules:
- 📞 Communication
- 🧠 Thought
- 💻 Technology
- 🚗 Travel
So when it’s retrograde, expect text fails, laptop meltdowns, traffic delays, and accidental oversharing in work meetings.
Basically, Mercury in retrograde is the astrological version of your ex texting “Hey.”
🚨 Not Just Mercury, Babe—The Whole Solar System’s Unhinged
Other planets go retrograde too:
- Venus = Love life drama. Think “Why did I like that guy?” energy.
- Mars = Motivation stalls. Suddenly you can’t find your gym shoes OR your will to try.
- Saturn = Life lessons resurface like unfinished homework.
- Pluto = Deep healing or deep denial—there is no in-between.
Check out our Astrological Lunar Phases Guide for the full vibe check.
🧠 So… Is It Retrograde or Am I Just Spiraling?
The answer is yes.
But here’s the good news: You don’t have to lose your mind or your marbles. You just need to ride the wave and ritual your way through it.
Me, During Retrograde:
- Day 1: “It’s okay, I’ll just breathe through it.”
- Day 2: “Is it me? Am I the drama?”
- Day 3: Crying into a latte while staging a one-woman shadow work intervention.
Basically, retrograde is that annoying friend who says, “I’m just being honest” before wrecking your self-esteem and then walking out of brunch.
But Seriously—Can Retrograde Actually Affect You?
Look. I’m not here to argue with NASA. But I am here to tell you that retrograde season feels like emotional molasses, and if it gets you journaling, checking in with your mindset, and doing a little inner glow-up? Then maybe it’s not ruining you—maybe it’s refining you.
You don’t have to believe the stars are controlling your destiny. But if you’ve ever screamed at your phone for autocorrecting “moon” to “mom,” you know something’s up.
🔮 What to Actually Do During Retrograde (Besides Panic)
✨ 1. Slow Down, Glam Up and Embrace the chaos—but look cute doing it.
Use this season to slow down, wear comfy glam, and cancel things you didn’t want to do anyway. That’s called spiritual growth. Retrograde is a reset, not a breakdown. Wear the comfy robe. Light the candle. Cancel that Zoom call. You’re recalibrating.
📝 2. Journal It Out (Snark Optional)
Don’t fight the emotional turbulence—write through it. I made you a printable Moon Sanity Tracker because I love you and also because I needed one too. Use the retrograde to reflect, not react. Try prompts like:
- What patterns keep repeating (and why)?
- What did I say yes to that I secretly resent?
- Am I clinging to something out of fear or love?
🪐 Want prompts done for you? Head to Moon Mindset Alchemy and get deep without losing your edge.
🔥 3. Don’t Text Your Ex
I repeat: DO. NOT. TEXT. THEM.
The cosmos are testing you. Be the bigger person. Or at least the one not crying into 3 a.m. cheesecake. Retrograde is famous for dragging ghosts of relationships past. (Did I mention Do NOT text them?) Sage the room and go bake something instead.
🌿 4. Cleanse Your Space (Not Just With Sage)
Retrograde is a cosmic detox. So yes, smudge the room—but also clear your inbox, your to-do list, and that drawer full of tangled chargers and shame.
🌑 5. Reframe, don’t regress.
Retrograde is a time for reflection, not reinvention. Think: review, reset, realign. You’re not spiraling—you’re spiraling upwards.
🌙 Moon Rituals That Don’t Require a Full Coven
Contrary to TikTok, you don’t need a cauldron or a full moon eclipse to vibe with the cosmos. Try this:
- Light a candle.
- Write one thing you’re releasing.
- Burn it (safely, please).
- Say: “I let go with grace and a side of petty.”
Then make a cup of tea and open your Moon Sanity Tracker, because this lunar nonsense isn’t over.
🧾 Download Your Free Moon Sanity Tracker
Because tracking your breakdowns can actually be self-care.
📝 Download the Moon Sanity Tracker📚 More Lunar Chaos (You’re Welcome)
🔮 Moon Mindset Alchemy Hub
🌕 Lunar Living: How the Moon Can Power Your Glow-Up
🌓 Moon Phases & Energy Guide
🌑 Astrological Lunar Phases
🧘♀️ Self-Care Tip of the Day Archive
🧙♀️ Moon Retrograde FAQs (Because You Know You’re Thinking It)
Q: Can I still manifest during retrograde?
A: Yes—just add more reflection and less delusion.
Q: What if I’m actually thriving during retrograde?
A: Congratulations. You’re either enlightened or deeply in denial. Both are valid.
Q: Can I use retrograde as an excuse for everything?
A: Yes, but only if you wear a velvet robe while doing it.
🌕 Take Me to the Moon, Baby
🌙 Browse the Moon Freebie Vault
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