Ah, fall. That time of year when the leaves turn gold, the air gets crisp, and pumpkin spice invades everything from lattes to dog treats. But while the world prepares for cozy sweater weather, my internal thermostat has a mind of its own. Welcome to the clash of the seasons and the personal summer: the dreaded fall heat flashes.
Let me paint you a picture. It’s a cool October morning, and I’m ready to embrace the fall vibe. I’ve got on my snuggly cardigan, boots, and a scarf that could double as a blanket. I’m feeling like I just stepped out of a Pinterest board, sipping on my steaming coffee, when BAM! Out of nowhere, it hits—an inferno rising from the depths of my soul. In a matter of seconds, I’ve gone from “cozy autumn goddess” to “melting snowman in a sauna.”
Hotter Than a Pumpkin Spice Latte, Literally
You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get from a hot drink on a brisk day? Yeah, fall heat flashes are like that—only it’s not from the drink, it’s from your own body deciding to roast itself alive. There’s no warning. One minute you’re a normal human being, and the next, you’re considering taking an ice bath in the office bathroom (is that socially acceptable? Asking for a friend…..).
Seasons may change, but menopause? Honey, it’s eternal summer in here. While everyone else is layering up for the fall chill, I’m over here playing a constant game of strip poker with myself. Cardigan off. Scarf off. Maybe pants next, if this heat flash doesn’t let up. And then, just as quickly, it’s gone. I’m left standing in a pile of discarded clothes, all sweaty, looking like I lost a battle with my closet.
The Weather Forecast: Chance of Heat Waves, 100%
They say the weather changes with the seasons, but when you’re 50 and fabulous, your body’s forecast has its own ideas. It’s like the meteorologist inside me is always drunk, dazed and confused. “Oh, you thought it was fall? Wrong! Here, have a spontaneous heatwave!” If only I could channel this internal furnace into something useful, like heating the house. My husband wouldn’t have to nag me about the thermostat anymore—I could just stand in the middle of the room, radiating heat for everyone like a human space heater.
Autumn Layering: A Menopausal Woman’s Nightmare
I always thought autumn fashion was about layers. Well, let me tell you, layers are a cruel joke when your body decides to turn up the heat faster than a microwave popcorn button. I start the day with a turtleneck and jeans, looking put together, and by noon, I’m down to a tank top and wondering if public nudity laws apply to women in the throes of a heat flash.
Forget fashion; at this point, survival is key. I carry a personal fan in my purse like a lifeline, and I’ve got ice packs in my freezer that get more action than my Netflix account. You can’t have an Instagram-worthy fall outfit when you’re trying to air out your armpits in the grocery store freezer aisle.
Advice on Dressing for Fall When You’re Suffering Heat Flashes
Now, if you’re wondering how to embrace fall fashion when your body is channeling volcano goddess vibes, I’ve got a few wardrobe tricks up my (constantly-rolled-up) sleeves. Because, let’s face it, we still want to look good, even if we’re sweating like it’s 110 degrees in the shade. Here’s some advice to help you with those pesky fall heat flashes.
1. Layer Like a Pro—But Make Them Quick-Change Layers
Layers are the holy grail of fall fashion, but they need to be easy to peel off and put back on. Think thin, breathable fabrics for your base layer (cotton, linen, or bamboo are your new besties) with something cute and cozy, like a cardigan, that you can ditch at a moment’s notice. Avoid bulky sweaters—unless you want to feel like a furnace wrapped in wool.
2. Invest in Vests
Yes, vests! They keep your core warm without making you feel like you’re trapped in a heat cocoon. A lightweight quilted vest or a chic faux fur vest (hello, fall style!) lets you keep some seasonal flair while leaving your arms free for much-needed air circulation when the next body-encompassing heat wave hits. Bonus: Vests are easy to remove, even mid-heat flash.
3. Avoid Turtlenecks Like the Plague
I love the look of a cozy turtleneck as much as the next person, but there’s nothing worse than being trapped in one when the fall heat flashes strike. Instead, opt for wide-neck sweaters or blouses that give you room to breathe. You’ll thank me the next time you’re out at brunch and feel the temperature creeping up.
4. Opt for Natural, Breathable Fabrics
Ma’am, step away from the polyester! I know it’s tempting because synthetic fabrics can be cheaper and look quite cute, but I promise that they’ll suffocate you the minute a hot flash hits. Instead, go for cotton, linen, or silk—anything that lets your skin breathe and won’t cling to you like Saran Wrap when the heat rises.
5. Keep It Loose and Flowy
The tighter your clothes, the quicker you’ll feel like a sausage in the microwave. Instead, go for flowy tops, dresses, and skirts that allow for airflow. Wrap dresses are especially great because they’re flattering and you can adjust them if you start feeling too constricted. Plus, they’re a wardrobe staple that absolutely screams “fall chic.”
6. The Magic of Scarves
I know I said ditch the scarf earlier, but let me explain. Lightweight scarves are still a fall essential for us fall heat flash warriors. Not only can they add a stylish touch to your outfit, but they’re also incredibly easy to remove when the temperature in your body skyrockets. You can drape them loosely, or just toss them in your bag when the firestorm hits.
7. Bring a Portable Fan Everywhere
This one isn’t exactly a fashion tip, but it’s practical, and honestly, what’s more fashionable than survival? Get yourself a small, portable fan. I have one that charges via USB and fits in my purse. When the heat flash hits, whip it out like you’re that cool. People will wonder why you’re so prepared—and trust me, they’ll envy you.
8. Swap the Boots for Booties
Fall is boot season, but sometimes, those knee-high beauties feel like little ovens for your feet. Opt for ankle booties instead. They give you the fall vibe without the feeling that your calves are cooking.
9. Keep a Cool Accessory On Hand
Literally. Cooling accessories, like gel bracelets or cooling towels (like Frog-Togs, which are a personal lifesaver for me, by the way), can keep you from overheating in the middle of your autumn adventures. And honestly, no one has to know you’re wearing them for functional reasons—they’re chic in their own right!
Fall Activities? Let Me Think…
People rave about fall activities like apple picking and corn mazes. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to make it through the day without breaking into a sweat puddle while standing still. Apple picking? Sure, let’s go out in the sun where I can roast like an overripe Granny Smith. Corn mazes? Yeah, I’ll pass on getting lost in a field while my body decides it’s a perfectly good time to self-combust, combined with a very nice anxiety attack. At this point in my life, my fall activity of choice is standing in front of the open refrigerator and pretending I’m looking for snacks.
Pumpkin Spice Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Hot
Listen, I still love fall. The sweaters, the crunchy leaves, the way everything smells like cinnamon and nostalgia. But between the unpredictability of Mother Nature, herself, and my own personal internal furnace, it’s like experiencing every season in a single day. The outside may be October and chilly in Pittsburgh, but in my world, it’s always July in the Sahara.
So, if you happen to see me bundled up one minute and fanning myself with whatever make-shift cooling device I can muster on-the-spot the next, just know this: the seasons may be changing, but my fall heat flashes? They’re just getting started. Here’s to a fantastic autumn—with one sweater on, one sweater off, and a whole lot of internal chaos.
And if anyone invents an air-conditioned sweater, I’ll take one in every color, please!
#SeasonsChangeButMenopauseDoesnt #HeatFlashesAreTheNewAutumn #PersonalSummer #FallFashionFails #LayeringLikeAPro #MenopausalChic
Share this:
