Self-care. It’s the buzzword of the decade, plastered across Instagram in soft pastels, next to aesthetically pleasing lattes and face masks. But here’s the problem: most of what we call “self-care” is nothing more than a quick fix, not a real solution.
You might think that indulging in a self-care day should leave you feeling refreshed and recharged, yet somehow, the exhaustion lingers. That’s because true self-care isn’t about indulgence—it’s about transformation. And sometimes, that means doing the uncomfortable, messy work of taking care of yourself in ways that aren’t Instagram-worthy.
Let’s bust the biggest self-care myths and talk about what actually works.
🚫 Self-Care Myth #1: Self-Care Is About Treating Yourself
💡 The Reality: True self-care is about meeting your needs, not indulging your wants.
Society sells self-care as a spa day, an expensive treat, or “doing whatever makes you happy”. But real self-care? It’s about:
- Setting boundaries so people don’t drain you.
- Getting enough sleep instead of scrolling at midnight.
- Saying no to things that don’t serve you—even when you feel guilty.
🔎 The Research: A study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that indulgent “treat yourself” behaviors often lead to increased stress and financial regret rather than long-term well-being. (Source)
The next time you think about “treating yourself,” ask: Is this restoring me or just distracting me?
🚫 Self-Care Myth #2: More Relaxation = More Happiness
💡 The Reality: Sometimes, the best self-care is doing the hard thing.
Self-care isn’t always relaxing. Sometimes, it’s:
- Going to therapy instead of pretending you’re fine.
- Having a tough conversation instead of avoiding it.
- Eating real food instead of ordering takeout (again).
📊 Stat to Know: According to the American Psychological Association, nearly 75% of adults report feeling physically or emotionally better after addressing stressors rather than avoiding them. (Source)
If your self-care routine is just an escape from stress rather than a way to build resilience, it’s time to rethink it.
🚫 Self-Care Myth #3: A Good Routine Fixes Everything
💡 The Reality: A routine means nothing if you don’t know what you actually need.
This one is tricky because I love a good routine—in fact, I’ve even discussed how the self-care industry can mislead us in The Self-Care Industry Is Lying to You!. And while routines can be powerful, the key is customization. What works for one person might not work for another.
Instead of following someone else’s self-care routine, ask yourself:
- What drains me the most?
- What actually makes me feel good long-term?
- What am I avoiding that I need to face?
🎭 Real-Life Example: Sarah, a busy professional, followed a viral self-care routine that included waking up at 5 AM, journaling, and green smoothies. But she felt worse than ever. Once she designed a routine based on her real needs, focusing on better sleep and therapy, her energy actually improved.
Self-care should be custom to you—not a one-size-fits-all checklist.
🚫 Self-Care Myth #4: If It Feels Good, It’s Self-Care
💡 The Reality: Some of the best self-care doesn’t feel good in the moment.
Toxic relationships feel good—until they don’t. Scrolling social media feels good—until you realize you’ve wasted an hour. Procrastinating on a hard task feels good—until the deadline looms.
🔎 The Research: Studies show that engaging in short-term pleasure-driven activities (like scrolling social media) often leads to lower emotional well-being over time compared to engaging in long-term self-care strategies (like exercise or meditation). (Source)
True self-care isn’t about what feels good now—it’s about what benefits you later.
What Real Self-Care Looks Like
So, what actually works? Here’s what real self-care looks like:
✅ Listening to your body (not forcing productivity when you’re exhausted)
✅ Prioritizing mental health (therapy, journaling, shadow work)
✅ Setting boundaries (without guilt)
✅ Moving your body (not as punishment, but as an act of care)
✅ Managing your time (so you don’t constantly feel behind)
✅ Learning to sit with discomfort (instead of numbing it)
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Self-care isn’t just about comfort—it’s about growth. If you’ve been stuck in the “treat yourself” trap, maybe it’s time to rethink what self-care actually means.
💡 What’s one myth about self-care you used to believe? Drop a comment and let’s talk!
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